Aggressive Kids!!!!
At some point in the life of a person who works with small children, he or she will come across a biter or a hitter. As frustrating as it may be, aggressive behavior is a normal part of a child’s development. This stage most commonly happens as a toddler, when they are seeking independence, developing language and have limited ability to control their impulses. However, it is not unusual for a preschooler to demonstrate this aggressive behavior. A preschooler will sometimes bite in stressful situations—“when they’re overcome by fear, anger, or frustration, for instance.” Kids “often bite during a fight, when they feel cornered or fear they’re about to be hurt. A major change, such as a new baby in the family or a new home, can also cause emotional upset that results in aggressive behavior. And sometimes children simply bite to gauge the effect it will have, because they’re excited or over stimulated, or as a misplaced expression of love.” (Bartz)
The following are some tips that can help you to not only stop the aggressive behavior, but also help the child grow:
When a toddler engages in aggressive behavior such as hitting or biting remember to:
Keep your cool. Responding with anger, yelling or even violence will get the child more wound up and may give him examples of other negative behaviors to try out.
Follow up with logical consequences. Take the child out of the situation. Sit down with the child and watch the other kids playing. Let the child know that when he feels ready to play without hurting the other kids that he can go back to play. Do not try to reason with a toddler…they do not possess the cognitive maturity to understand or imagine the situation differently (ie…what it feels like if someone hit him.)
Set clear limits. Try to respond immediately to the child’s aggression...don’t wait.
Discipline consistently. Your predictable response will set up a pattern that is recognizable to the child. The aggressive toddler will quickly be able to make the connection between his behavior and the removal from the situation (“time-out”). Remember to allow the child to join the group again when he is ready to play safely.
Teach alternatives. We have to teach kids that although their feelings of anger are natural, there are better ways of dealing with it than hitting, kicking or biting. Encourage kids to use their words and ask an adult for help when these feelings come on.
Reward good behavior. Focus your energy on the child when he is being good. Give huge praise when he uses his words, asks for things that he wants, or waits patiently for his turn.
Provide Physical outlets. Burning off some of that excess energy may help to prevent aggressive behavior. Use that energy in a positive way!
Don’t be afraid to seek help. Your fellow instructors, child development experts, the child’s parents, or even your own parents may have some advice, tricks, or tools to help with a child’s aggressive behavior.
When a preschooler engages in aggressive behavior such as hitting or biting remember to:
Make sure children are safe. Separate the children involved in the violence. Provide any necessary medical attention. Be warm and caring to all children involved…even the one that did the biting.
Stay calm, and don’t blame or punish. Harsh punishment can actually make preschoolers more likely to strike out. It may also cause anger and resentment that will lead to more negative behavior as the child ages.
Encourage the child to seek help. Children need to be taught that they can come to you or another adult when they need help with a situation. Be sure to give that child your full attention when he does come to you.
Talk about what happened. Preschoolers have a higher level of cognitive maturity. Asking a child questions like “How can you tell someone that you are angry without hurting them?” Role play with the child and give verbal options for the child.
Learn to recognize the signs of when and why a child bites. Warning signs, such as crying, yelling, foot-stamping, and lunging often precede biting. Watch for this behavior and stop him from biting again.
Stay warm and loving toward the child. Remember that he is doing the best he can given his age, experience, knowledge and maturity. Keep your temper in check and respond with love.
Never bite the child back. This technique is sometimes used by parents to demonstrate that biting hurts. However, showing the aggression in return does not solve the problem.
Demystify biting. Talk about biting and what should or should not be bitten. Name some everyday objects (an apple, a cat, a bug, a piece of cheese) and ask him whether or not it is ok to bite them.
Much of the above information came from “Biting: Why it happens and what to do about it,” by Ann Bartz and “Aggression: How to deal with hitting, biting and more” by the BabyCenter editorial staff. For more information see www.babycenter.com.